What does ‘Sex’ mean to you? I’m curious about our fascination with sex. We’re all eager to know if our sex life is ‘normal’. Are we having ‘enough’ sex? An ‘acceptable’ amount?!
What defines a ‘normal’ sex life anyway? I don’t think anyone can really say for sure.
Obviously, the media’s full of opinions, buckets of research and statistics. They’re quick to tell us how much everyone’s having (by age), how many times a week, a day, an hour…!
Suddenly, we’re very aware we’re not having sex all the time, not nearly enough as we ‘should’ be. We question and assess our relationship: ‘What’s wrong with us? Why aren’t we having sex every night….like everyone else our age!’. We feel inadequate, inferior and beat ourselves up with a big stick…or dildo (tehe)!
Sound familiar? You are definitely not alone.
But hey let’s be honest, things get in the way; the late nights working, the kids, the routine you’ve slipped into, the stained onezie you always wear, you’re too comfy watching movies, you’re knackered, you’re overgrown down below, maybe you just don’t ‘feel’ like it. Or in my case; I’m meditating, having an early night, tempted by my too-cosy bed and electric blanket!
It takes work to break out of the routine, bring back the ‘quickies’ in the kitchen and rekindle the spice.
Most importantly, it starts with you and how you feel about sex. What’s your relationship with your body and intimacy? If you fear intimacy, feel unsexy, worry about your body, are uncomfortable around men, naturally the sex will be affected. But the sexier and more confident you feel, releasing your insecurities, the more you’ll relax and encourage him into your space to play, and the more you’ll both enjoy it.
For some of us, sex is underground, only allowed behind closed doors. Why the mystery around sex? Is it from our parents, grandparents? Probably. It’s likely if they had topics with sex, so do we. As a nation, we relate shame and guilt to sex, often getting drunk to have sex or just talk about it. Why aren’t we comfortable to have sex sober and straight? What are we hiding, or hiding behind? I don’t have answers to these questions, but it is thought provoking.
I’m very relaxed and open about sex (ask any of my friends) and happily chat about it for hours. I enjoy sex immensely and love the journey I’m on, exploring intimacy with my partner. But, it hasn’t always been so free and easy. There was a time (some years ago) when I was too embarrassed to talk about sex. I did it with the lights out and under the covers, I felt uncomfortable, powerless and definitely didn’t enjoy it. I really wondered what all the fuss was about.
Now I get it, but it’s taken most of my life to figure it out.
Sex can be an intense and beautiful thing. When you’re with the right person, you can transport into a higher place. It feels sacred and precious, something to be treasured and nurtured.
It can also be derogatory and humiliating. We’ve all done that ‘walk of shame’ the next morning, feeling dirty and ashamed. How many times do you do it? Why is it a walk of ‘shame’? Why do we feel dirty?
Wouldn’t it be much easier if sex wasn’t so taboo? If sex became dinner party conversation and lost some of it’s stigma? People would feel more relaxed about sharing and understand more about sex and reality.
Channel 4’s Sex Box; a sex talk show with a difference might have bombed after one episode, but the aim behind it was to encourage us to talk about sex more openly and honestly with our partners, so intentions were good.
Let’s go back to the stats; Sex is most definitely not a numbers game. It’s time to stop stressing about how much sex you don’t have and start really enjoying the sex you have. This is about quality NOT quantity. It’s about healing your relationship with sex and attracting in experiences that match your sexual vibration.
Where do I go from here? Here are some thoughts to start or continue your journey:
Accept your sex life. First accept the sex life you have (stop yearning after the sex life you want) and your role in it, then you can start work on improving it.
Understand how you really feel about sex. If you discover fears or insecurities, talk through with your partner and start to address. It will benefit you to find a therapist / healer to support you.
Communicate with your partner. Be brave and talk more about sex; where you like to be touched, when you like to have sex etc.
Stay in your heart while you have sex. Easier said than done I know, but I’ve some good ideas on this so ask me! If you get in your head, that inner voice pipes up: ‘Am I really enjoying this? Eeekk, I can see my cellulite! Why isn’t he going down there? Is he enjoying it?. You worry about what may or may not be happening, rather than just experiencing it.
Experiment with yourself. If you want to find out what turns you on, just try things out on yourself.
Thanks for reading. I know some or all of the above will resonate. If you want to know more about how Light Grids and EFT can help heal your relationship with Sex, just ask mehello@jodyshield.co.uk
I’m here to help you through.
Love and light
Jody x
