I have a big problem with Facebook and I want to be honest about it. It seems silly to even write about this, but I know I have to. Each time I think about writing a post, I seize up, freeze, turn off and turn away. It’s easier not to post, than face my Facebook demons. I wanted to share this topic, in the hope I’ll understand what’s at play and learn how to move through it. And….figure out why I feel the fear.
The dream is to express myself freely (and naturally) on Facebook. Why should I even care about this ‘first-world’ problem?! I want to feel neutral about it, so it’s not a ‘thing’. I want to face my fear and rise above it.
Also I know many of you are struggling with this. You might not want to admit it to yourself just yet, so if you want to switch off and close this down, it’s fine. But whenever you want to come back, please do.
If you’re reading on though, there are 5 juicy tips especially for you at the bottom of the post so stay with me.
(If you don’t have any issues with Facebook, good for you. You might find it applies to another social platform….or blogging, or posting videos or whatever your ‘thing’ is…I bet it’s there, lurking in the background and holding you back in some way)
So what are you going to write then?
And so it begins…my inner voice pipes up, “whatever you write has to be really funny, to make sure it gets lots of likes, tonnes of engagement and makes people laugh. The more ‘likes’ you get, the more popular you are. So go on, be your funniest self, your most witty and clever self…I dare you”.
But I’m not funny (I think to myself) not really. I just can’t express ‘funny’ on Facebook, I never have. And the more I think about what to post and how to sound, the more staged and rehearsed it feels. It loses it’s spontaneity, it’s charm and personality. It loses it’s ‘Jody’.
False vibes
And like it or not, your Facebook friends feel it. They know when you’re trying too hard, and they just don’t interact with you. You become invisible in their newsfeed, and your posts get ignored. This is honestly what happens. They can feel your vibe, and you’re not naturally inviting them to engage, like you do when you’re just being you.
I love instagram
So what’s interesting is, I LOVE instagram and have no issues using this platform. But I’m new to instagram, and my followers on here are newer friends, people who know me for who I am now, before the radical life / career change, and not as the Jody I was. So it’s easier to be myself on there, and the posts flow seamlessly, I don’t have to think about what to write.
So I guess it’s about learning to express myself to old and new friends, and not caring so much about what people think. Especially people who have known me a long, long time, when I was Jody the party girl….before I was Jody the healer!
Is the issue here that I’m afraid to be me? Or I’m afraid of what my friend’s think of me? Or I don’t think that just being ‘me’ is enough? Or I’m not accepting all of me yet (this resonates…boy it really does)
Yes lots of lovely issues coming to the surface, so let’s focus on being afraid to be my lovely self around my friends (especially old friends). And Facebook’s the place where my ‘friends’ hang out.
So for some reason, I’m still afraid of what my friends think of me. Even though when I say it out-loud and write it down (as I’m doing now) it sounds crazy. But it does exist, it is a thing. But I know they don’t care what I write – the true ones accept me for who I am, no matter what.
So, what’s the deal then?
There’s still this part of me worrying about who I am now Vs who I once was. Maybe deep down, I’m afraid of being disowned by my friends? In school, I know I worried about this but that was a real fear, as I was disowned. So it seems to have carried over, and is lurking deep down inside somewhere, filed away for safe keeping…
So now we’ve got somewhere – what do we do now? How can we be brave and be ourselves on Facebook or any other social media? How can we learn to face the fears?
Here are some thoughts:
1) Facebook is not the enemy. Even though it feels like it, Facebook is simply a ‘trigger’ and we love triggers. A trigger is someone or something that brings up unpleasant emotions, feelings, sensations, sabotage from inside you. You want to run away, and that’s your immediate reaction.
2) Face the fear. Those of you who know me (especially if you’ve worked with me) will know I help you face your fear and heal through it (with a pretty much 100% success rate – something I’m very proud of). So it’s time to welcome the fear, and invite it along for the ride. The more you invite it in, the more you’ll heal. Just have the intention to face the fear, and that’s enough to start you off.
3) What am I most afraid of? Sit somewhere quiet, close your eyes, breathe into your heart, tune or focus on the issue you feel uncomfortable about, and ask yourself that question. Embrace whatever comes up for you, because it’s your bravery to face your fear that’s allowing the insight or answers to come to the surface.
4) It’s ok to struggle. We have good days, bad days….sometimes more bad than good. It’s ok to have bad days and it’s ok to struggle. For years, this was not ok for me. I always put on a brave face (and still do sometimes) and I was always ‘ok’. By pretending you’re ok, you are denying / suppressing / ignoring the part of you who isn’t ok, and it’s hurtful.
5) Share how you’re feeling. Don’t worry about it how it sounds, or having to sound a certain way, just share what’s on your mind. Sometimes sharing on Facebook will have surprising reactions as people come out and support you…in droves.
Until next time <3
